Helpppppp!

Have you ever been in a situation where you didn’t know what to do? When’s the last time you felt stuck? Consider what this man from China did in a sticky situation.

All Xiao Chen wanted to do was go for a swim. Thinking it’d be fun, the 25-year-old Chinese man headed toward what he thought was the river. As it turns out, it was just silt, and it wasn’t long before he found himself waist-deep in mud, and sinking! Now most people with their life on the line would’ve used their mobile phones to call for help. Chen, despite having a phone, was too embarrassed to call for help.

After struggling to free himself for four hours, Chen finally gave up and asked two passing fishermen for help. They called the fire department, who then spent another SEVEN hours trying to drag the man to safety! The situation would’ve been easier had Chen just taken off his pants, but he was too embarrassed to even do that! Even after firefighters stripped down to their undies, Chen’s modesty prevented him from doing the same, even though it would’ve probably allowed him to escape before 12 hours had passed. (popfi.com)

I want to chuckle at Chen’s stubbornness but I risk hearing from my family that I’m just like him. A few years ago, my son and I got caught in some high waves in Lake Superior. We had been exploring cave formations at Pictured Rocks when the winds shifted and the waves grew larger. For 45 minutes, we fought the waves and winds on flimsy blow-up rafts to work our way around a rock formation and back to shore. Though we were never in real danger, we finished our journey incredibly fatigued and very agitated. You see, our battle didn’t have to be that long. Within eye shot, we there were boats constantly coming near us; kayaks, pontoons and fishing boats. As we paddled furiously through waves, my son would ask me to call out for one of the boats but I insisted that we’d make it. Anyone of them would have helped us… if I would have cried out for help.

One of the hardest things for people to do in a desperate circumstance is to ask for help. Somewhere, we’ve cultivated this notion that it’s better for us just do it on our own. Asking for help requires humility because it’s an admission that we cannot do something without help. We are putting the outcome of our circumstance in the hands of someone else. Humility requires reliance which in turn, requires trust in the person from whom we’ve sought help.

What do you do when you're stuck? Is asking for help something you need to do this week?

Slump

There’s a word that no baseball player wants to hear in relationship to his name. It’s the word “slump.” A slump in baseball can be defined as when a player’s batting average takes a dive over a significant period of time. He simply can’t get a hit. Even when he hits it hard, the ball is caught. Listen to what former major leaguers said about slumps. Bob Uecker said, “I had slumps that lasted into the winter.” Casey Stengel remarked about a team slump, “We are in such a slump that even the ones that aren’t drinkin’ aren’t hittin’.” Yogi Beara quipped, “Slump? I ain’t in no slump. I just ain’t hitting.”

For the last 10 years, I’ve spent my spring evenings coaching baseball. When I first started coaching, the kids on my teams were 7 year olds. Now, I’m coaching players at the varsity level. Some will be leaving for college next year. One thing I’ve realized is the older a player gets, the more we seem to be coaching the mental and emotional side of the game. Hitting a baseball can be a streaky thing and a slump can really mess with a young man’s mind. Recently, I’ve watched a couple of very talented young men struggle in slumps. The longer the slump goes, the more pressure they feel. The slump begins to affect other things like their fielding and pitching. It even creeps into their school work and social life. I’ve also noticed that slumps often reflect the athlete’s personality. There’s the depressed slumper who withdraws alone in a corner of the dugout after a strike out. There’s the angry slumper who will throw helmets and kick bases. There’s the blaming slumper who accuses the weather, umpires, coaches, and girlfriends for their struggles. And then there’s the joking slumper who uses self-deprecating humor to deal with hitting issues. Slumps can be very emotional and the only way out of one is to keep coming to practice and to simply hit the baseball.

As a pastor, I’ve also seen people go into spiritual slumps. This happens to good people who have passionately followed God with their lives but for some reason they’ve drifted off their game. Their walk with God has run dry and become ineffective. Their spiritual disciplines become hard and mechanical. I’ve had people tell me, “I’m just not experiencing God’s presence in my life right now. God seems distant.” Or, “My Bible reading seems dull and my prayers seem to hit the ceiling.” Others have said, “There’s a sin pattern in my life I just can’t shake and it’s affecting my relationships with God and the people in my life.” We can all go through spiritually dry periods in our lives that are hard to break from. These can be caused by fatigue, stress, sin, lack of discipline, compromise, or just a time of testing. But God wants us to be hitters. He wants us to break out of our slump.

If you are in a spiritual slump, you most likely won't get out of it by ourself. Tell someone you trust today about you struggle. Ask for help and encouragement. Walking with God is a team sport!

Second Half

One of my favorite authors over the past few years has been Gordon McDonald. McDonald has been a pastor for many years and his insights into life in ministry have been very encouraging to me. Several years ago, I had the chance to attend an all-day seminar taught by McDonald. If I recall, the overall message of the day was, doing your best work in the second half of your life. Gordon was in his mid-60s at the time and he was on quest to finish his life well. He believed that in his 60s, 70s and 80s, he should be well-read, street smart and at the height of wisdom. He believed he had the most to offer in this stage of his life. Unfortunately, he also believed that most people in his demographic didn’t believe this. He told a story that day has stuck with me.

One day, Gordon decided to take out a legal pad and make a list of all the guys he knew that were older than him. As he did this his wife came up behind and asked him what he was up to. Gordon explained, “I’m making a list of all the old guys I know.” “Umm… why, Gordon,” she asked. “I want to know how many older men in my life that I actually like. I want to know who I am becoming.” “So, how's it going?” she inquired. “Terrible,” he said as panned his full page of names, “I don’t like any of these guys. They are all either grumpy, set in their ways or have given up.”

From this exercise, Gordon began his book, “The Resilient Life,” a brilliant writing on the second half of your life being your most productive to the Kingdom of God. Gordon identifies the critical questions people tend to ask in each adult decade of their life. Remarkably, these questions show how hard it is to finish well.

20’s: What kind of man or woman am I becoming? How am I different than my parents?
30’s: How do I prioritize the demands of life? How far can I go in fulfilling my sense of purpose?
40s: Why are others doing better than me? Why are my limitations outweighing my options?
50s: Why is my body becoming unreliable? How do I deal with failures and successes?
60s: Why do I feel ignored by those younger than me? Why am I curious about obituaries?
70’s - 80s: Does anyone realize or care who I once was? Is my story important to anyone? How much of my life can I still control? Can I still contribute?

There so many things that oppose our pursuit of productive second half of life. Failing body, changing culture, a competitive younger generation, failures of the past, discouragement and disillusionment. But, McDonald’s premise remains true to me. I want the last half of my life to show my best work. If I grow in my walk with God, through every decade of life, I should have the more to offer a broken world the older I get, despite the physical limitations and past pain I’ve experienced.

Think about the stage of life you are in? What positive steps are you taking today that will impact who you will become 20 years from now?

Remove and Repair

While many of my friends were basking in the sun of Florida or Cancun during Spring Break, I camped out in my daughter’s bedroom. She’s still at college, so she didn’t mind. Actually, she was pretty pleased that I’d spend my vacation in her room because it needed to be remodeled. Her room was a mess and had been in need of a makeover for quite awhile.
Remodeling is hard work and really comes in two stages; remove and repair. The remove or destruction phase seems like the most fun but it really wasn’t. It’s messy and painful. Of course, before could do anything to Kati’s room, all the furniture had to be carried to the garage. Then we had sort through all her stuff and decide what was worth keeping what could be thrown away. Walls were then sanded, holes were patched, carpet was ripped out, trim was pulled, garbage cans were filled, and the dust was swept. At this in the project, I’m usually left with the feeling, “Oh, my! What have I done? This place is destroyed! Look at all the work we have to do!” However, that is also the time when the dream of what the room could be like begins to seem possible. Despair over the mess turns to an energy to accomplish making the room new and beautiful. So, the construction or repair begins.
A fresh of coat paint with a new color reshapes the feel of the room. A beautiful wood laminate floor replaces the dingy, dirty, worn, old carpet. New oak trim accents the floor and windows. The furniture, cleaned and painted, is moved back into the room. The bed is covered with a new comforter and pillows. The windows are treated with new blinds. Pictures are hung again. This mess of a room is now a new place. It’s fresh, bright, clean and inviting. It’s been restored. It’s been transformed. It’s made new through a ton of effort, purpose, planning, pain and investment. But, it was worth it!
I recently heard a speaker make this statement about transformation. He said, “Change often comes when the pain of staying the same outweighs the pain of change.” Ouch! But, I had to agree with him. Too often, I wait to change a mess in my life until the pain of remaining with the mess hurts enough for me to move. I think there’s a hope that if I do nothing the mess will go away. One person’s definition of insanity is “Doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result.”
So... are doing the same ol' thing, disappointed with the results over and over?
Which pain is driving you today, the pain of staying the same of the pain of changing? Start a spiritual remodel project today. Get busy with removing and repairing.

When You Have Little to Give

Think about this question,“When I’m running on empty physically, emotionally, spiritually, or financially, can I still be generous?” My tendency is to push the default button and withdraw from others in need to tend to my own problems and sense of misery. However, I’ve been learning from a couple people in my life that consistently model a life of generosity in the midst of facing serious life issues of their own. They are teaching me a ton. \

Debbie Jo is someone I’ve served in ministry with for over two decades. She’s been faithful for many years in providing beautiful opportunities of spiritual growth for the women at ABC. She works diligently in planning enriching women’s events that touch hundreds of lives. And, she’ll often be found sitting quietly with a woman in life crisis, giving her wisdom and counsel from God’s Word. She’s a very attentive listener and extraordinarily wise. What most people may not know about Debbie Jo is that she has had a slow progressing type of Multiple Sclerosis for over 10 years. This disease often leaves her with incredible fatigue and debilitating pain. However, the way she carries herself, you’d never know it. Recently, I was able to listen to her tell her life story and when she got to the part about MS, she said something that struck a deep cord with me. She said, “I’ve learned to embrace MS. MS has been one of the best things for me. It’s given me a measure of compassion I would have never had without it.” Now... that is not a normal thing to say, I thought.

Doug is a fellow elder and one of our small groups pastors at ABC. Recently, he and I have been working together on a care situation involving some ABC families. This has been a very time consuming and tiring ordeal in which God has shown himself in some incredible ways. However, this situation isn’t the only difficult thing in Doug’s life. He is facing some heavy financial issues stemming from a business that went south in the economic downturn of the recent past. He is also caring for his father with rapidly failing health. While we were working on this care situation, Doug’s dad fell and broke his hip. Doug was needed to lead his family (mom and sisters) to make some difficult decisions on behalf of the care of his dad. These decisions included nursing care, hospice, and the “no heroic measures” discussion. Gut-wrenching stuff for any son. What amazed me most as I journeyed with Doug, was his resolve to stay involved with the care of people at ABC while he faced his personal issues. He could have easily withdrawn from others to focus on his own serious matters. At one point he said, “Phil, this is therapy for me.” What he was saying was, “Helping others gives me strength to face my own issues.” Now... that is not a normal thing to say, I thought.

That must be why Paul calls this the “grace of giving.” Giving when you have little to give is grace, or a gift from God. And he wants us all to experience it.

Have a Conversation

When I saw Dave with his family across the Atrium, I knew I needed to go talk to him. It had been too long and there was a strong, unspoken tension between us. The sermon that morning about forgiveness and restoration was fresh on my mind, but I fought the conviction in my soul to act on what I had just heard. A list of ways to avoid a conversation with Dave scrolled through my head. I’d deal with this later. Then, there he was, walking my direction with a bead on me. The conversation I was avoiding was going to happen.

Dave and I have been friends for close to a decade. We spent an enormous amount of time together and with each other’s families. Our friendship was filled with joy, laughter, and authentic care for one another. However, a month earlier, we got sideways over a single moment in time and a single issue. Something I expected didn’t happen and I blamed Dave. I was disappointed with him and I expressed it. My typical anger modus operandi is not to explode but to stew and then grow cold and distant. I had said just enough to Dave in that dark moment for him to realize my anger. He knew I would stew for days over this… and he let me do it. That was his way of expressing his disappointment with me. Ten years of joy was halted by our coldhearted-guy-pride. Someone had to break the ice and Dave was the man to end this frigid nonsense. Anger had turned to coldness and coldness had turned to fear. Our friendship was paralyzed and was in jeopardy of drifting away forever. We needed to have a conversation to restore what we had enjoyed for so long.

When Dave initiated the conversation, he did it right. By now, the point of our contention had almost been forgotten. But, there were some things about this conversation that I’ll never forget and be forever grateful for. First, Dave acted on the Spirit’s prompting to obey even when it felt hard, awkward, and risky. I knew that God was doing a work in Dave. Second, before he talked about the pain I caused him, Dave claimed ownership of his part in our broken relationship. Finally, Dave was clear that what he wanted most was for this conflict to end and our friendship to be restored. Dave and I made our peace that day. Apologies were given and forgiveness was offered from both sides. That simple but difficult conversation was critical. Unfortunately, we had more discomfort to walk through in order to pick up our friendship where it left off (but, that’s another story).

There’s a myth about relationships that goes something like this, “good friends don’t have conflicts.” Truth is… no friendship is exempt from tripping into conflict. Conflict happens in the healthiest of relationships. That's why Jesus said what he said in Matthew 18.15-17.

Daily Bread

The news coming out of Haiti has caused me to think again about the meaning of Jesus’ reference to daily bread. The images of the thousands of people clamoring for food, water and medical attention are stunning. When a Jesus follower in Haiti wakes up in the morning after another night in a make-shift shelter praying, “Give me today my daily bread,” their prayer has much more profound ramifications than when I say that prayer. As I write in a local coffee shop, I’m surrounded by people drinking $4 coffee drinks while I’m trying to decide whether to have a muffin or a bagel. I have lunch plans with colleagues today and my pantry and fridge are filled with at least a week’s provision of food. I have cash in my wallet, money in the bank and countless ways to access it and spend it. Do I have any business praying that portion of the Lord’s Prayer? Do I need God to provide anything for me today?

The answer is yes. I may not need his provision of food, clothing and shelter as he has already graciously provided it for me. But, I do need my daily allotment of grace to be treat people well. I need him to provide me with wisdom to make good decisions with my time and money. I need his protection from the sin that is constantly crouching at my door. I need him to give me the insight to not live selfishly but to look for ways to be encouraging and generous with all the good I have. All of these things are very important to God. He loves to provide the basics of life to his kids. He loves to give good gifts that meet our needs and equip us for life in his Kingdom. But, what if these things are small in the eyes of God compared to something he wants for us that is so much bigger?

In the life of Abraham, we encounter God being attributed names that describes his character or essence. The one that strikes me today is The God Who Provides. It occurs in the story of Abraham when he is asked to sacrifice his son, Isaac. Isaac is the only heir to the promise God had made to Abraham to make him into a great nation. When Isaac asks what the sacrafice will be, Abraham tells him that God will provide. Consider what God provided for Abraham. He needed it desperately. God gave a ram caught in a thicket. The ram was Isaac's subsitute. God’s provision to Abraham paints a beautiful picture of what we so desperately need for our survival, a substitute sufferer. More than our daily needs, which God loves to provide, he's given us his Son as substitute for the suffering I deserve.