Relational Fatigue

I'm a self-proclaimed small group junkie. Yeah, Ada Bible employs me to be that, but I'm confident I would still be involved in multiple small groups even if small groups were not part of my livelyhood.

Currently, I lead three groups. Two are men's groups. Group #1 is twelve guys who are leaders; budding leaders or small group leaders. These guys are tracking and want to know more on how God's Word impacts their relationships. Group #2 is 11 guys who are mostly new to the faith or are re-starting their walk with God. These are guys I coach baseball with, play football and softball with and lift weights with. They are friends who want to learn and grow. Group # 3 is a handfull of couples that have known each other for the past 15 years or so. We are all trying to have solid marriages and raise our kids well.

I love each and every person in those groups. I look forward to seeing them every week. I love to see someone really "get it," for the lights to come on to a biblical principle and for their lives to begin to change. There no better feeling, no better reward to leading a small group in my mind.

But recently, I've begun to feel tired, unmotivated, uninspired. Sin patterns began to creep back into the recesses of my mind and heart. I was coming to group unprepared and with less passion than before. Something was missing in my community. What wasn't working? Small groups were to be the place were my community would be filled with joy, encouragement and life change. Something was broken... at least from my end. I wasn't receiving what I set out to provide for each person in each group. I was leading but not experiencing community. I was holding back.

Friday night, group #1 had what we call "Man Night." This was our 4th one in the last 4 months. Man Night is guy food, beverages, bonfire, games and stories. Just the guys for the whole evening. And, the best part of Man Night... the stories. We have a tradition that in every Man Night someone will tell their life story. This usually takes well over an hour and afterward the other guys have a chance to ask questions, tell what they loved about the story and then bless the socks off the guy on the hot seat. We love to pull out how God has treaded Himself through that person's story. This Friday... another great story.

But it was after the story that were I was most impacted. It was 11 pm. Most the guys had left. Four of us remained contemplating going home ourselves. But, our host, who was the one who shared his story that night, asked us to sit back down around the wood stove and continue our chat. The conversion that ensued was rich, personal and very impactful. I began to emotionally bleed. It almost felt like I was complaining about life but I guess I was being vulnerable and honest about stuff in my life that I was keeping under wraps. I felt safe. I felt heard. I felt care for and challenged. I hadn't done this in a long, long time. The guys heard my weariness, they related and didn't judge.

Okay, I'm a small group junkie. I'm THE Senior Small Groups Pastor of Ada Bible Church, for heaven's sake. Why was this something that hadn't experienced in a while? Why at 11 pm in a buddy's garage when the crowd of guys had left did I feel ready to really share and seek out the care of my brothers? I'm involved in three groups. What had been missing for all this to build up and then spill out on my friend's garage floor?

I'll leave those questions for us to discuss. Tell me what you think!