God's Tough Love

Stephen was a small town pastor who had a knack for choosing churches that were unhealthy places of ministry. On several occasions, the pain for pastoring these types of churches put a lot of strain on Stephen’s family. Dan is one of Stephen’s sons, and over time he became disillusioned with his dad’s career choice and began to resent the church. Dan rebelled and when he told me his story, Dan said, “I tried to make my parents’ lives miserable.” After several years of enduring his son’s rebellion, Stephen made a hard choice, he told his son to move out. He had had enough.

With no job and nowhere to go, Dan was in a tough place. Stephen suggested to Dan that he give a relative in Atlanta a call. What Dan didn’t know was that Stephen had a safety net in place for him. Stephen had pulled his cousin in Atlanta into the plan. Stephen purchased a plane ticket and his cousin had an open room and job lined up for Dan. Seeing this as his only option, Dan bitterly packed his things and moved to Atlanta. The next two years are described by both men as being quiet and distant. Dan was angry, filled with resentment for his dad’s decision. Stephen was heartbroken but hopeful his son would turn his life around. During those two years, they rarely spoke. But Dan was changing. He was growing, softening, and finding his way with God. Dan’s relationship with his “aunt” and the death of his grandfather during that time were pivotal in Dan’s turning back to God and his family. Eventually, father and son reconciled. Dan is now on staff at Ada Bible Church and Stephen serves as an elder here as well. Stephen now beams with fatherly pride for his son. Dan often expresses gratitude for having Stephen as his dad.
They say there are two sides to every story. Often, the facts vary between tellers of the same story. That wasn’t the case when I heard this story first from Dan, two years ago and Stephen two weeks ago. Both sides of the story were told with incredible consistency in facts, but the tone of the story was dramatically different. Dan told the story from the perspective of a humbled, remorseful, and grateful son. Stephen told it from a patient, heartbroken father with a strong resolve and sense for right and wrong.

There’s something about a good father and son story that gets me thinking about God and his relationship with me. God is called Father, for a good reason. He’s a good dad who wants the best for his kids. And when our sinful choices cause distance from him, we see his fatherly character traits come alive. We see his patience, allowing us to make choices and to turn back to him on our own. We see his justice when he says, “Enough! You cannot continue this anymore.” He disciplines us with a safety net in place. He doesn’t destroy us, but he corrects us. We see his hopeful plan for our return and reconciliation. He longs for us to come home.