Failure. Now What?

When I sit in a counselor’s office, I’m there for one of two reasons. Either I’m a mess or someone in my circle of influence is in a mess. Either way, from time to time, I need help navigating through the brokenness of this world and the consequences of sinful choices. So, I have a couple go-to counselor friends that have really helped me when the brokenness of this world overwhelms me.

On one of those counselor days, my friend Mario gave me one of the best set of principles of care I’ve ever heard. Our conversation was on the topic of restoration. As a pastor, I had found myself in the middle of some difficult situations with others who had made some serious mistakes in life. Simply put, they made some really bad moral choices, their sin was exposed and now they were faced with the shame, the pain and the consequences of their actions. They were broken, bleeding and wanted someone to give them a taste of hope that healing and restoration could take place.

I’ve been around the block enough as a pastor to know that not everyone caught in their sin is truly ready to make changes in their life. I’ve known broken and bleeding people who blame, rationalize and deflect when confronted with their sin. I found some people to be more interested in just relieving the pain of the consequences of their sin then genuinely digging out the roots of their sinful patterns that caused the pain and damage. They struggle with being fully and truly repentant. Repentance simply means to turn around. It requires a person to recognize they are heading the wrong way on a one way street, to stop heading in that direction and to turn around to get on the right path. However, not everyone is truly interested in doing that.

So on that day in Mario’s office, I wanted to know, “How I can know when someone is truly repentant? How can I tell when they are healed enough to be restored?” Mario gave me four things to watch for, four things to measure.

1.Do they own their sin? Admit your sin. Have remorse over sin. No blaming. No deflecting. No excusing bad behavior. No comparing.

2.Are they transparent? Own ALL your sin that’s contributed to the brokenness. Play all your cards. Don’t hold back secrets.

3. Is their behavior changing? A changed heart leads to a changed mind which leads to changed actions. This can be slow and incremental but old ways need to stop and new ways need to begin.

4. Have the first three been measured over time? True change happens over the long haul. Patience. Persistence. Discipline. Accountability. Time.

What a huge help these principles were for me. It helped frame my role as a friend and pastor. It gave me tangible things to strive for when caring for people broken by their sin.

This week, I thought about those principles of care when I read the story of Jesus reinstating Peter in John 21. Peter had failed Jesus miserably; denying three times having any association with Jesus. Peter lied. He ran. He failed to believe Jesus’ words. He did this when Jesus needed him most. Peter was known for his impetuous, passionate spirit and had many times declared his full devotion and love to Jesus. Then… when an opportunity arose for true devotion to shine, Peter failed. Was Peter finished? Would Jesus still have plans for Peter? Would there be any hope of Peter being restored and then used in Jesus’ mission? Here are some observations I made from the story in John 21.

Jesus’ Pursuit of Restoration
Jesus pursued Peter. Peter was fishing again. Perhaps, Peter had resolved that his role with Jesus was over or, at best, downsized because of his failure. So, he goes back to his old way of life. But, Jesus finds him fishing again.

Peter’s Pursuit of Restoration
When Peter sees Jesus, Peter pursues Jesus. He jumps into the water and goes to shore leaving the boat and fishing tackle behind. Shame could have left him in the boat hiding or trying to avoid a conversation with Jesus. Instead, Peter owns it. He goes.

Tender Care and Provision
Jesus gently feeds them all a fish breakfast. He meets their everyday human needs. He cares for them. He provides for them. He takes on the role of a gentle breakfast server.

True Devotion
Jesus goes after Peter’s heart and devotion. “Do you love me, Peter?” In essence, Jesus is saying, “After all you’ve seen and heard… after you’ve failed… after I’ve died and you’ve seen me alive and well… do you really love me? Peter, has your love grown and matured?”

Back to the Mission
Jesus reinstates Peter to his mission. “Feed my sheep.” Take care of those who believe in me. Get back to the work of fishing for men rather than fishing for fish.

Consider the Cost
Jesus measures the cost for Peter. He tells Peter that this mission will end in his death. It’s as if Jesus is asking, “Peter, are you in? This is a tough mission. I died for you. Now, give yourself fully so others can believe. Peter, are you in?”

Complete Restoration
Jesus does this three times. “Do you love me? Then feed my sheep.” Three times. Why? Perhaps, because it’s the same number of times that Peter denied Jesus. “Peter, own your failures… own them all… change… get back on track… and, let’s see what big things happen over time.”

Mistakes are part of life. Some have greater consequences and pain than others. But, no sin is too great that you cannot be restored to right relationship with God. God pursues healing. He wants you fully engaged and whole again. Own your sin, all of it. Then give God the chance to change you and get you back on the track of building his Kingdom.