While many of my friends were basking in the sun of Florida or Cancun during Spring Break, I camped out in my daughter’s bedroom. She’s still at college, so she didn’t mind. Actually, she was pretty pleased that I’d spend my vacation in her room because it needed to be remodeled. Her room was a mess and had been in need of a makeover for quite awhile.
Remodeling is hard work and really comes in two stages; remove and repair. The remove or destruction phase seems like the most fun but it really wasn’t. It’s messy and painful. Of course, before could do anything to Kati’s room, all the furniture had to be carried to the garage. Then we had sort through all her stuff and decide what was worth keeping what could be thrown away. Walls were then sanded, holes were patched, carpet was ripped out, trim was pulled, garbage cans were filled, and the dust was swept. At this in the project, I’m usually left with the feeling, “Oh, my! What have I done? This place is destroyed! Look at all the work we have to do!” However, that is also the time when the dream of what the room could be like begins to seem possible. Despair over the mess turns to an energy to accomplish making the room new and beautiful. So, the construction or repair begins.
A fresh of coat paint with a new color reshapes the feel of the room. A beautiful wood laminate floor replaces the dingy, dirty, worn, old carpet. New oak trim accents the floor and windows. The furniture, cleaned and painted, is moved back into the room. The bed is covered with a new comforter and pillows. The windows are treated with new blinds. Pictures are hung again. This mess of a room is now a new place. It’s fresh, bright, clean and inviting. It’s been restored. It’s been transformed. It’s made new through a ton of effort, purpose, planning, pain and investment. But, it was worth it!
I recently heard a speaker make this statement about transformation. He said, “Change often comes when the pain of staying the same outweighs the pain of change.” Ouch! But, I had to agree with him. Too often, I wait to change a mess in my life until the pain of remaining with the mess hurts enough for me to move. I think there’s a hope that if I do nothing the mess will go away. One person’s definition of insanity is “Doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result.”
So... are doing the same ol' thing, disappointed with the results over and over?
Which pain is driving you today, the pain of staying the same of the pain of changing? Start a spiritual remodel project today. Get busy with removing and repairing.
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
When You Have Little to Give
Think about this question,“When I’m running on empty physically, emotionally, spiritually, or financially, can I still be generous?” My tendency is to push the default button and withdraw from others in need to tend to my own problems and sense of misery. However, I’ve been learning from a couple people in my life that consistently model a life of generosity in the midst of facing serious life issues of their own. They are teaching me a ton. \
Debbie Jo is someone I’ve served in ministry with for over two decades. She’s been faithful for many years in providing beautiful opportunities of spiritual growth for the women at ABC. She works diligently in planning enriching women’s events that touch hundreds of lives. And, she’ll often be found sitting quietly with a woman in life crisis, giving her wisdom and counsel from God’s Word. She’s a very attentive listener and extraordinarily wise. What most people may not know about Debbie Jo is that she has had a slow progressing type of Multiple Sclerosis for over 10 years. This disease often leaves her with incredible fatigue and debilitating pain. However, the way she carries herself, you’d never know it. Recently, I was able to listen to her tell her life story and when she got to the part about MS, she said something that struck a deep cord with me. She said, “I’ve learned to embrace MS. MS has been one of the best things for me. It’s given me a measure of compassion I would have never had without it.” Now... that is not a normal thing to say, I thought.
Doug is a fellow elder and one of our small groups pastors at ABC. Recently, he and I have been working together on a care situation involving some ABC families. This has been a very time consuming and tiring ordeal in which God has shown himself in some incredible ways. However, this situation isn’t the only difficult thing in Doug’s life. He is facing some heavy financial issues stemming from a business that went south in the economic downturn of the recent past. He is also caring for his father with rapidly failing health. While we were working on this care situation, Doug’s dad fell and broke his hip. Doug was needed to lead his family (mom and sisters) to make some difficult decisions on behalf of the care of his dad. These decisions included nursing care, hospice, and the “no heroic measures” discussion. Gut-wrenching stuff for any son. What amazed me most as I journeyed with Doug, was his resolve to stay involved with the care of people at ABC while he faced his personal issues. He could have easily withdrawn from others to focus on his own serious matters. At one point he said, “Phil, this is therapy for me.” What he was saying was, “Helping others gives me strength to face my own issues.” Now... that is not a normal thing to say, I thought.
That must be why Paul calls this the “grace of giving.” Giving when you have little to give is grace, or a gift from God. And he wants us all to experience it.
Debbie Jo is someone I’ve served in ministry with for over two decades. She’s been faithful for many years in providing beautiful opportunities of spiritual growth for the women at ABC. She works diligently in planning enriching women’s events that touch hundreds of lives. And, she’ll often be found sitting quietly with a woman in life crisis, giving her wisdom and counsel from God’s Word. She’s a very attentive listener and extraordinarily wise. What most people may not know about Debbie Jo is that she has had a slow progressing type of Multiple Sclerosis for over 10 years. This disease often leaves her with incredible fatigue and debilitating pain. However, the way she carries herself, you’d never know it. Recently, I was able to listen to her tell her life story and when she got to the part about MS, she said something that struck a deep cord with me. She said, “I’ve learned to embrace MS. MS has been one of the best things for me. It’s given me a measure of compassion I would have never had without it.” Now... that is not a normal thing to say, I thought.
Doug is a fellow elder and one of our small groups pastors at ABC. Recently, he and I have been working together on a care situation involving some ABC families. This has been a very time consuming and tiring ordeal in which God has shown himself in some incredible ways. However, this situation isn’t the only difficult thing in Doug’s life. He is facing some heavy financial issues stemming from a business that went south in the economic downturn of the recent past. He is also caring for his father with rapidly failing health. While we were working on this care situation, Doug’s dad fell and broke his hip. Doug was needed to lead his family (mom and sisters) to make some difficult decisions on behalf of the care of his dad. These decisions included nursing care, hospice, and the “no heroic measures” discussion. Gut-wrenching stuff for any son. What amazed me most as I journeyed with Doug, was his resolve to stay involved with the care of people at ABC while he faced his personal issues. He could have easily withdrawn from others to focus on his own serious matters. At one point he said, “Phil, this is therapy for me.” What he was saying was, “Helping others gives me strength to face my own issues.” Now... that is not a normal thing to say, I thought.
That must be why Paul calls this the “grace of giving.” Giving when you have little to give is grace, or a gift from God. And he wants us all to experience it.
Friday, February 5, 2010
Have a Conversation
When I saw Dave with his family across the Atrium, I knew I needed to go talk to him. It had been too long and there was a strong, unspoken tension between us. The sermon that morning about forgiveness and restoration was fresh on my mind, but I fought the conviction in my soul to act on what I had just heard. A list of ways to avoid a conversation with Dave scrolled through my head. I’d deal with this later. Then, there he was, walking my direction with a bead on me. The conversation I was avoiding was going to happen.
Dave and I have been friends for close to a decade. We spent an enormous amount of time together and with each other’s families. Our friendship was filled with joy, laughter, and authentic care for one another. However, a month earlier, we got sideways over a single moment in time and a single issue. Something I expected didn’t happen and I blamed Dave. I was disappointed with him and I expressed it. My typical anger modus operandi is not to explode but to stew and then grow cold and distant. I had said just enough to Dave in that dark moment for him to realize my anger. He knew I would stew for days over this… and he let me do it. That was his way of expressing his disappointment with me. Ten years of joy was halted by our coldhearted-guy-pride. Someone had to break the ice and Dave was the man to end this frigid nonsense. Anger had turned to coldness and coldness had turned to fear. Our friendship was paralyzed and was in jeopardy of drifting away forever. We needed to have a conversation to restore what we had enjoyed for so long.
When Dave initiated the conversation, he did it right. By now, the point of our contention had almost been forgotten. But, there were some things about this conversation that I’ll never forget and be forever grateful for. First, Dave acted on the Spirit’s prompting to obey even when it felt hard, awkward, and risky. I knew that God was doing a work in Dave. Second, before he talked about the pain I caused him, Dave claimed ownership of his part in our broken relationship. Finally, Dave was clear that what he wanted most was for this conflict to end and our friendship to be restored. Dave and I made our peace that day. Apologies were given and forgiveness was offered from both sides. That simple but difficult conversation was critical. Unfortunately, we had more discomfort to walk through in order to pick up our friendship where it left off (but, that’s another story).
There’s a myth about relationships that goes something like this, “good friends don’t have conflicts.” Truth is… no friendship is exempt from tripping into conflict. Conflict happens in the healthiest of relationships. That's why Jesus said what he said in Matthew 18.15-17.
Dave and I have been friends for close to a decade. We spent an enormous amount of time together and with each other’s families. Our friendship was filled with joy, laughter, and authentic care for one another. However, a month earlier, we got sideways over a single moment in time and a single issue. Something I expected didn’t happen and I blamed Dave. I was disappointed with him and I expressed it. My typical anger modus operandi is not to explode but to stew and then grow cold and distant. I had said just enough to Dave in that dark moment for him to realize my anger. He knew I would stew for days over this… and he let me do it. That was his way of expressing his disappointment with me. Ten years of joy was halted by our coldhearted-guy-pride. Someone had to break the ice and Dave was the man to end this frigid nonsense. Anger had turned to coldness and coldness had turned to fear. Our friendship was paralyzed and was in jeopardy of drifting away forever. We needed to have a conversation to restore what we had enjoyed for so long.
When Dave initiated the conversation, he did it right. By now, the point of our contention had almost been forgotten. But, there were some things about this conversation that I’ll never forget and be forever grateful for. First, Dave acted on the Spirit’s prompting to obey even when it felt hard, awkward, and risky. I knew that God was doing a work in Dave. Second, before he talked about the pain I caused him, Dave claimed ownership of his part in our broken relationship. Finally, Dave was clear that what he wanted most was for this conflict to end and our friendship to be restored. Dave and I made our peace that day. Apologies were given and forgiveness was offered from both sides. That simple but difficult conversation was critical. Unfortunately, we had more discomfort to walk through in order to pick up our friendship where it left off (but, that’s another story).
There’s a myth about relationships that goes something like this, “good friends don’t have conflicts.” Truth is… no friendship is exempt from tripping into conflict. Conflict happens in the healthiest of relationships. That's why Jesus said what he said in Matthew 18.15-17.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Daily Bread
The news coming out of Haiti has caused me to think again about the meaning of Jesus’ reference to daily bread. The images of the thousands of people clamoring for food, water and medical attention are stunning. When a Jesus follower in Haiti wakes up in the morning after another night in a make-shift shelter praying, “Give me today my daily bread,” their prayer has much more profound ramifications than when I say that prayer. As I write in a local coffee shop, I’m surrounded by people drinking $4 coffee drinks while I’m trying to decide whether to have a muffin or a bagel. I have lunch plans with colleagues today and my pantry and fridge are filled with at least a week’s provision of food. I have cash in my wallet, money in the bank and countless ways to access it and spend it. Do I have any business praying that portion of the Lord’s Prayer? Do I need God to provide anything for me today?
The answer is yes. I may not need his provision of food, clothing and shelter as he has already graciously provided it for me. But, I do need my daily allotment of grace to be treat people well. I need him to provide me with wisdom to make good decisions with my time and money. I need his protection from the sin that is constantly crouching at my door. I need him to give me the insight to not live selfishly but to look for ways to be encouraging and generous with all the good I have. All of these things are very important to God. He loves to provide the basics of life to his kids. He loves to give good gifts that meet our needs and equip us for life in his Kingdom. But, what if these things are small in the eyes of God compared to something he wants for us that is so much bigger?
In the life of Abraham, we encounter God being attributed names that describes his character or essence. The one that strikes me today is The God Who Provides. It occurs in the story of Abraham when he is asked to sacrifice his son, Isaac. Isaac is the only heir to the promise God had made to Abraham to make him into a great nation. When Isaac asks what the sacrafice will be, Abraham tells him that God will provide. Consider what God provided for Abraham. He needed it desperately. God gave a ram caught in a thicket. The ram was Isaac's subsitute. God’s provision to Abraham paints a beautiful picture of what we so desperately need for our survival, a substitute sufferer. More than our daily needs, which God loves to provide, he's given us his Son as substitute for the suffering I deserve.
The answer is yes. I may not need his provision of food, clothing and shelter as he has already graciously provided it for me. But, I do need my daily allotment of grace to be treat people well. I need him to provide me with wisdom to make good decisions with my time and money. I need his protection from the sin that is constantly crouching at my door. I need him to give me the insight to not live selfishly but to look for ways to be encouraging and generous with all the good I have. All of these things are very important to God. He loves to provide the basics of life to his kids. He loves to give good gifts that meet our needs and equip us for life in his Kingdom. But, what if these things are small in the eyes of God compared to something he wants for us that is so much bigger?
In the life of Abraham, we encounter God being attributed names that describes his character or essence. The one that strikes me today is The God Who Provides. It occurs in the story of Abraham when he is asked to sacrifice his son, Isaac. Isaac is the only heir to the promise God had made to Abraham to make him into a great nation. When Isaac asks what the sacrafice will be, Abraham tells him that God will provide. Consider what God provided for Abraham. He needed it desperately. God gave a ram caught in a thicket. The ram was Isaac's subsitute. God’s provision to Abraham paints a beautiful picture of what we so desperately need for our survival, a substitute sufferer. More than our daily needs, which God loves to provide, he's given us his Son as substitute for the suffering I deserve.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
How Does Accountability Work?
My wife's niece emailed me the other day to ask about how she should approach the subject of accountability with a new group she is forming. Accountability in groups is an important but loaded subject. Here are some of my observations of the topic over the years. Accountability is good... but needs to be approached in the right manner.
- Accountability doesn't work well with big groups. I will not be vulnerable with 50 people, 20 people, 10 people. I will, however, be open with 2-4 people whom I know and trust.
- Openness and vulnerability are crucial for true accountability. Trust is imperative or people will hide. Time builds trust. Trust builds courage, honesty and openness.
- Most people believe that you will stop loving them if you see the "real" them. Trusting someone with their junk is counter-intuitive to most people because they want to be seen in the best light. This poses an enemy to accountability.
- You need to be clear about what you're asking people to be accountable for. Purity? Bible reading? Giving? Prayer? What is it? Be crystal clear.
- Have clear accountability questions so that people know what will be asked of them on a consistent basis. Stay away from yes/no answers where people can hide or lie easy.
- Accountability should be measured. The word accountability means you plan to "count" something or measure it. What's the yard stick? For example, someone can want accountability in the area of prayer. Well... what's the goal? Pray 10 minutes each day? Or... learn to engage the heart of God? How can it be measured?
- Accountability is not the mechanism for transformation, the Holy Spirit is. Accountability must aid the work of the Spirit or it becomes a form of self-righteous legalism. Remember, the Pharisees had all kinds of forms of accountability to guide them. Jesus had his harshest words for their self-righteous attitudes. They needed to confess the sins of their "obedient"/ disciplined lifestyles.
- Accountability is no good without grace and forgiveness. What will you do if I fail? Throw me out? Slap my hand? Apply mercy? "Confess your sins one to another, so that you will find mercy" Another verse uses the word, "healing."
- People are loved into obedience not driven. We obey fully when we understand how great God's love is for us. We become disciplined because we want a deeper and truer relationship with the God that gave so much for us.
Long Lasting Impact
I recently had the opportunity to speak to a group of writers at the Christian Writer's Conference. That particular day was a bit stressful for me with many pending fall ministry obligations and family stuff that was building. The conference was in Muskegon, so I was also dreading the two hours I would have on the road that day. Frankly, I was beginning to regret agreeing to do this talk.
Honestly, I wasn't very confident with my material nor was I sure the audience would be thrilled with what I had planned. I arrived frazzled and late because I had taken two wrong turns on the way. It was a tough day for me to speak. Frazzled, unsure and anxious I gave the evening over to God. I told him as I walked to the podium, "You brought me here for a reason. Here I go. This is yours."
My talk went better than I dreamed. I felt a connection with the group of 80 or so writers that evening. My frazzled heart calmed. My uncertainty morphed to confidence and joy. It was fun even perhaps helpful.
At the end of my talk, God gave me an unexpected gift. I had just sat down after finishing. The conference moderator was making some announcements about the next session when a lady with a very eager posture raised her hand. "Do you have a question?" she was asked. "No, I would like to make a comment," she replied. Speaking loudly and confidently she said, "I want you all to know that I knew Phil Niekerk when he was just a little boy." I jumped to my feet to see who it was. I had not recognized her during the evening. She continued, "Phil's dad led me Christ 30 years ago and his mom discipled me for several years. As I watched Phil speak tonight, I could see his mother, Ruth, in him."
What a gift from God that was to me? This lady had come all the way from Texas and the chances of me ever seeing her were very small. But there she was, recalling the work for God through my parents three decades ago. God wanted me to see a glimpse of the spiritual legacy that my parents had left with people I had begun to forget.
What will my kids see 30 years from now? Will they get to experience stories of how Janice and I invested spiritually into people? What will people say about our life investments? Will the relationships that I'm building today have a lasting impact on who people become in the future? On a hurried frazzled day, God gave me a glimpse of the power of a relational investment that is still paying off 30 years later.
Honestly, I wasn't very confident with my material nor was I sure the audience would be thrilled with what I had planned. I arrived frazzled and late because I had taken two wrong turns on the way. It was a tough day for me to speak. Frazzled, unsure and anxious I gave the evening over to God. I told him as I walked to the podium, "You brought me here for a reason. Here I go. This is yours."
My talk went better than I dreamed. I felt a connection with the group of 80 or so writers that evening. My frazzled heart calmed. My uncertainty morphed to confidence and joy. It was fun even perhaps helpful.
At the end of my talk, God gave me an unexpected gift. I had just sat down after finishing. The conference moderator was making some announcements about the next session when a lady with a very eager posture raised her hand. "Do you have a question?" she was asked. "No, I would like to make a comment," she replied. Speaking loudly and confidently she said, "I want you all to know that I knew Phil Niekerk when he was just a little boy." I jumped to my feet to see who it was. I had not recognized her during the evening. She continued, "Phil's dad led me Christ 30 years ago and his mom discipled me for several years. As I watched Phil speak tonight, I could see his mother, Ruth, in him."
What a gift from God that was to me? This lady had come all the way from Texas and the chances of me ever seeing her were very small. But there she was, recalling the work for God through my parents three decades ago. God wanted me to see a glimpse of the spiritual legacy that my parents had left with people I had begun to forget.
What will my kids see 30 years from now? Will they get to experience stories of how Janice and I invested spiritually into people? What will people say about our life investments? Will the relationships that I'm building today have a lasting impact on who people become in the future? On a hurried frazzled day, God gave me a glimpse of the power of a relational investment that is still paying off 30 years later.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Fiery Arrows
I want to share a discussion with you today that came from my small group I call the "Tuesday Guys." We're concluding a really rich study through Paul's letter to the Ephesians and in his final remarks to the church in the town of Ephesus, Paul tells them to get dressed for battle. They were in a war and needed to be dressed to fight. They needed armour and it needed to be the very best equipment available. So, Paul tells us what the best soldiers have in their locker and how they gear up for the battle they face. Guess what, we're in the same battle!
It's important to know in all of this who the enemy is and how he fights. Paul says that "our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." I don't know about you but that creeps me out a bit. I'd rather fight against humans. Spiritual forces? Oh, my! Really? But Paul says we have everything at our disposal to stand against these evil forces and in Ephesians 6, he lists them. Check it out.
This morning the Tuesday Guys got stuck on two really cool parts of our armour; our shoes and our shield. For a Roman soldier, good shoes meant that he would be stable and mobile so he could stand and protect his ground. The shield was used to deflect fiery arrows that enemy would launch. So we asked, "What are those arrows that Satan and his forces sends at us?" One conclusion, lies. Lies that mislead and misguide us from our mission and from what is truly important. What lies? What are lies that we hear as men and as warriors for the Gospel?
Here's our Top 10. Would these make your Top 10?
1. You're not good enough
2. You’re not smart enough
3. God’s holding out on you
4. God’s is not good enough to you
5. I can do it myself
6. God is not near to you
7. He’s really not loving
8. Your sin is too big. If He really knew you… He would not even wouldn't like you
9. God would condemn or judge you if you were honest
10. You can earn God’s approval with your behavior. Keep trying harder
These are lies that Satan wants us to believe about God, but I think he also wants us to believe them about the relationships we have with each other. Read the list from both perspectives.
So,which lies do you hear the most? Drop me a comment and let me know. In a future posting, I'll share how the Shield of Faith works to deflect these flaming arrows shot from the pit of hell. Each of these lies has a corollary truth.
It's important to know in all of this who the enemy is and how he fights. Paul says that "our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." I don't know about you but that creeps me out a bit. I'd rather fight against humans. Spiritual forces? Oh, my! Really? But Paul says we have everything at our disposal to stand against these evil forces and in Ephesians 6, he lists them. Check it out.
This morning the Tuesday Guys got stuck on two really cool parts of our armour; our shoes and our shield. For a Roman soldier, good shoes meant that he would be stable and mobile so he could stand and protect his ground. The shield was used to deflect fiery arrows that enemy would launch. So we asked, "What are those arrows that Satan and his forces sends at us?" One conclusion, lies. Lies that mislead and misguide us from our mission and from what is truly important. What lies? What are lies that we hear as men and as warriors for the Gospel?
Here's our Top 10. Would these make your Top 10?
1. You're not good enough
2. You’re not smart enough
3. God’s holding out on you
4. God’s is not good enough to you
5. I can do it myself
6. God is not near to you
7. He’s really not loving
8. Your sin is too big. If He really knew you… He would not even wouldn't like you
9. God would condemn or judge you if you were honest
10. You can earn God’s approval with your behavior. Keep trying harder
These are lies that Satan wants us to believe about God, but I think he also wants us to believe them about the relationships we have with each other. Read the list from both perspectives.
So,which lies do you hear the most? Drop me a comment and let me know. In a future posting, I'll share how the Shield of Faith works to deflect these flaming arrows shot from the pit of hell. Each of these lies has a corollary truth.
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