Discipline and Growth

As a sports fan, I have my favorite teams that I always follow but I also have another category in which I put some teams and athletes. It’s what I call the “love-to-hate” category. I’m not a boxing fan but a handful of years ago, there was a boxer that fit nicely on my love-to-hate list; Mike Tyson. “Iron Mike” is known as one of the greatest fighters of all time. During his glory years in the 80’s, Tyson was the only boxer to ever hold three different heavy weight belts at the same time. He was dominant and it made him rich. Tyson’s career earnings crested $400 million in the late 80’s. But, there was something that I just didn’t like about him. He was brash, loud and arrogant and you could just tell that at some point he was going to do something stupid. I couldn’t wait for him to fall.

While the 80’s were good for Tyson, the 90’s were his demise. In February of 1990, Tyson was unexpectedly knocked out in the 10th round by the virtually unknown Buster Douglas. This blow would usher Tyson in a complete downward spiral not only as a boxer but as a person. In 1992, Tyson was convicted of sexually assaulting a beauty queen in Las Vegas, for which he served three years in prison. After being released from prison in 1995, he engaged in a series of comeback fights. In a 1997 rematch with Evander Holyfield, the fight ended when Tyson was disqualified for biting off part of Holyfield’s ear, an incident that he never recovered from in the public eye. In 1999, Tyson was arrested again for assaulting two people at a traffic scene. As a heavy user of cocaine, Tyson filed or bankruptcy in 2003. Iron Mike was gone from the sports scene. Once, one of sports most dominate figures, Tyson became a public outcast.

Last week, I stumbled on a Sports Illustrated article featuring Tyson (August 2-9 issue). Because of my disgust for the way he treated sports and people, I almost just flipped the page to find something more palatable to read. But, a quote jumped off the page. “I’m a joke, I want to count for something- to do nice things so my kids can respect me.” In one statement, Tyson had expressed something I’d never heard from him; humility and kindness. Could Tyson have grown? Could the man have changed? Once known as the Baddest Man on the Planet, Tyson talked in the article of his loving wife Kiki and their beautiful daughter, Milan. “I realized that if I wanted to have a healthy life and if someone was willing to love me, then she deserved the best I had to offer,” Tyson says. “She deserved the best of me physically, emotionally, spiritually. And it wasn’t easy, trust me... I just knew that in order to make this work, all that other stuff in me had to die.”
As a boxer, Tyson knew about personal discipline. For years, he had disciplined his body to be the most feared man in the ring. But, over the past decade, Tyson’s character and person has gone through a significant discipline that has brought about transformational personal growth. A self-centered, arrogant, abuser turned loving husband and father.

God smiles when we allow the pain of discipline to be redemptive toward change. What's your growth story? What pain has God used in your life to bring positive change?

Meltdown and Provision

To be on vacation and not be able to sleep was troubling. Aren’t vacations are supposed to be times of rest and recharge, I thought. We were settled in a beautiful cottage on a beautiful lake in northern Michigan. The weather was perfect. Our family was together. The setting was bent toward a week of fresh air, relaxation and recreation. Sleepless on vacation, in this environment, was not like me. I was struggling and it was something between God and me.

That summer had been a difficult summer for my wife. She had heard this too statement too many times, “Thanks for interviewing with us, but we’ll be pursuing candidates with more experience.” Five interviews, five rejections and some of these were from people who had given her tremendous hope and affirmation. For eight years, my wife had prepared to be a teacher. When all our kids entered school, my wife felt led to pursue this dream. It was a passion that grew deep in her soul. It was as if God had planted it there. Four years of college classes and four years of working as a substitute teacher led her to this fateful summer of interviews. She had been given wonderful reviews and hopeful feedback. One hiring principle in the school she subbed even helped her fine tune her resume. She was affirmed by her colleagues and filled with hope. But, one interview after another ended with, “We really like you but... there are so many experienced teachers in the hiring pool these days. Sorry.” She was left to believe that her dream was not going to happen. If the schools who knew and loved her can’t hire her, then who would. It appeared, she had become a victim of the Michigan economy.

She grieved deeply, but was able to emotionally moved forward. I, on the other hand, had some things to say to God. I was mad. I wasn’t upset at the schools or principles, I was angry with God. “God, why would do lead my wife down this road just to crush her? Why would you plant a dream in her just to have it shattered? What’s the point of this?” My lament over this situation haunted me during that summer vacation. I hurt for her. Why wasn’t God acting on her behalf? At the end of that week, she got a call for, yet one more interview. This came from a inner-city charter school of which she had never stepped foot in. On a whim, many months previously she had sent a resume to the school administration, never seriously believing she would hear from them. She was an unknown and there was no logical reason for them call. She agonized about whether to even drive three hours from our vacation cottage to interview with a school, thinking another rejection would follow. A week later, she was offered a job, a job that she’s loved now for the last two years.

I marvel at God’s patience and grace with me. God wanted to provide and when he did, he did with joy and creativity, even in the midst of my confused and frustrated lament. Perhaps, when the next opportunity like this arises, I’ll respond with greater trust.

Complaint, Trust and Joy in the Land Between

Strip me naked and leave me alone in a room and I will still have more than I deserve.

Interesting statement, isn’t it? Makes you wonder who would say something like that. Several years ago, a friend dropped this line on me. We had bumped into each other at a mall. Our wives were at a ladies retreat and each of us was trying to entertain our kids that evening at the mall. I knew that he just received the news that his wife had a slow progressing, debilitating disease that could, over time, drastically affect their lives. They were entering into a time of waiting to see what this disease would truly do to her and their way of life. As we chatted about the details of their new situation, I felt compelled to ask him how he, as dad and husband, was doing personally with this news. Putting myself in his shoes, I could only imagine the thoughts and emotions that invaded his mind and heart. Would he be filled with worry, disappointment, distress, confusion, complaint, denial, or anger? I’m sure that each of these tempted his private moments, but I knew him well enough to know that he would pursue another way to respond.

Strip me naked and leave me alone in a room and I will still have more than I deserve.

That’s all he said about it and his cryptic answer left me hanging. It caught me by surprise and I didn’t have the courage at the time to ask him what he truly meant. But it captivated my thoughts for days. What was he saying to me about his perspective on his new circumstance in life? After reflecting on my friend and his approach to life, I think he was saying these things:

If life takes everything away me, God is still good.
Anything that I have ever enjoyed, including my wonderful wife, I didn’t really deserve.
She’s an undeserved gift.
She’ll continue to be a wonderful gift to me despite her disease.
This is not a setback but an opportunity to experience God and life more fully.
I could choose to complain in this situation but I’m choosing joy instead.
I’d rather encourage you, today, than ask you to commiserate with me.

In the moment that my friends heard that a disease would affect their lives, they entered into the land between; a place of wondering about the future, a place of waiting to learn the outcome of the news, a place of adjusting to their changing reality. But, the land between is a place of choice where two conflicting options of response face off: complaint and joy.

This month, Jeff is teaching on the Land Between that God asked the Israelites to walk through on the way to the promise land. Let's create a discussion on your Land Between. Is complaint sneaking into your heart? Who hears your complaint? Could choosing trust or joy be a remedy for you in this season of life?

God's Tough Love

Stephen was a small town pastor who had a knack for choosing churches that were unhealthy places of ministry. On several occasions, the pain for pastoring these types of churches put a lot of strain on Stephen’s family. Dan is one of Stephen’s sons, and over time he became disillusioned with his dad’s career choice and began to resent the church. Dan rebelled and when he told me his story, Dan said, “I tried to make my parents’ lives miserable.” After several years of enduring his son’s rebellion, Stephen made a hard choice, he told his son to move out. He had had enough.

With no job and nowhere to go, Dan was in a tough place. Stephen suggested to Dan that he give a relative in Atlanta a call. What Dan didn’t know was that Stephen had a safety net in place for him. Stephen had pulled his cousin in Atlanta into the plan. Stephen purchased a plane ticket and his cousin had an open room and job lined up for Dan. Seeing this as his only option, Dan bitterly packed his things and moved to Atlanta. The next two years are described by both men as being quiet and distant. Dan was angry, filled with resentment for his dad’s decision. Stephen was heartbroken but hopeful his son would turn his life around. During those two years, they rarely spoke. But Dan was changing. He was growing, softening, and finding his way with God. Dan’s relationship with his “aunt” and the death of his grandfather during that time were pivotal in Dan’s turning back to God and his family. Eventually, father and son reconciled. Dan is now on staff at Ada Bible Church and Stephen serves as an elder here as well. Stephen now beams with fatherly pride for his son. Dan often expresses gratitude for having Stephen as his dad.
They say there are two sides to every story. Often, the facts vary between tellers of the same story. That wasn’t the case when I heard this story first from Dan, two years ago and Stephen two weeks ago. Both sides of the story were told with incredible consistency in facts, but the tone of the story was dramatically different. Dan told the story from the perspective of a humbled, remorseful, and grateful son. Stephen told it from a patient, heartbroken father with a strong resolve and sense for right and wrong.

There’s something about a good father and son story that gets me thinking about God and his relationship with me. God is called Father, for a good reason. He’s a good dad who wants the best for his kids. And when our sinful choices cause distance from him, we see his fatherly character traits come alive. We see his patience, allowing us to make choices and to turn back to him on our own. We see his justice when he says, “Enough! You cannot continue this anymore.” He disciplines us with a safety net in place. He doesn’t destroy us, but he corrects us. We see his hopeful plan for our return and reconciliation. He longs for us to come home.

Helpppppp!

Have you ever been in a situation where you didn’t know what to do? When’s the last time you felt stuck? Consider what this man from China did in a sticky situation.

All Xiao Chen wanted to do was go for a swim. Thinking it’d be fun, the 25-year-old Chinese man headed toward what he thought was the river. As it turns out, it was just silt, and it wasn’t long before he found himself waist-deep in mud, and sinking! Now most people with their life on the line would’ve used their mobile phones to call for help. Chen, despite having a phone, was too embarrassed to call for help.

After struggling to free himself for four hours, Chen finally gave up and asked two passing fishermen for help. They called the fire department, who then spent another SEVEN hours trying to drag the man to safety! The situation would’ve been easier had Chen just taken off his pants, but he was too embarrassed to even do that! Even after firefighters stripped down to their undies, Chen’s modesty prevented him from doing the same, even though it would’ve probably allowed him to escape before 12 hours had passed. (popfi.com)

I want to chuckle at Chen’s stubbornness but I risk hearing from my family that I’m just like him. A few years ago, my son and I got caught in some high waves in Lake Superior. We had been exploring cave formations at Pictured Rocks when the winds shifted and the waves grew larger. For 45 minutes, we fought the waves and winds on flimsy blow-up rafts to work our way around a rock formation and back to shore. Though we were never in real danger, we finished our journey incredibly fatigued and very agitated. You see, our battle didn’t have to be that long. Within eye shot, we there were boats constantly coming near us; kayaks, pontoons and fishing boats. As we paddled furiously through waves, my son would ask me to call out for one of the boats but I insisted that we’d make it. Anyone of them would have helped us… if I would have cried out for help.

One of the hardest things for people to do in a desperate circumstance is to ask for help. Somewhere, we’ve cultivated this notion that it’s better for us just do it on our own. Asking for help requires humility because it’s an admission that we cannot do something without help. We are putting the outcome of our circumstance in the hands of someone else. Humility requires reliance which in turn, requires trust in the person from whom we’ve sought help.

What do you do when you're stuck? Is asking for help something you need to do this week?

Slump

There’s a word that no baseball player wants to hear in relationship to his name. It’s the word “slump.” A slump in baseball can be defined as when a player’s batting average takes a dive over a significant period of time. He simply can’t get a hit. Even when he hits it hard, the ball is caught. Listen to what former major leaguers said about slumps. Bob Uecker said, “I had slumps that lasted into the winter.” Casey Stengel remarked about a team slump, “We are in such a slump that even the ones that aren’t drinkin’ aren’t hittin’.” Yogi Beara quipped, “Slump? I ain’t in no slump. I just ain’t hitting.”

For the last 10 years, I’ve spent my spring evenings coaching baseball. When I first started coaching, the kids on my teams were 7 year olds. Now, I’m coaching players at the varsity level. Some will be leaving for college next year. One thing I’ve realized is the older a player gets, the more we seem to be coaching the mental and emotional side of the game. Hitting a baseball can be a streaky thing and a slump can really mess with a young man’s mind. Recently, I’ve watched a couple of very talented young men struggle in slumps. The longer the slump goes, the more pressure they feel. The slump begins to affect other things like their fielding and pitching. It even creeps into their school work and social life. I’ve also noticed that slumps often reflect the athlete’s personality. There’s the depressed slumper who withdraws alone in a corner of the dugout after a strike out. There’s the angry slumper who will throw helmets and kick bases. There’s the blaming slumper who accuses the weather, umpires, coaches, and girlfriends for their struggles. And then there’s the joking slumper who uses self-deprecating humor to deal with hitting issues. Slumps can be very emotional and the only way out of one is to keep coming to practice and to simply hit the baseball.

As a pastor, I’ve also seen people go into spiritual slumps. This happens to good people who have passionately followed God with their lives but for some reason they’ve drifted off their game. Their walk with God has run dry and become ineffective. Their spiritual disciplines become hard and mechanical. I’ve had people tell me, “I’m just not experiencing God’s presence in my life right now. God seems distant.” Or, “My Bible reading seems dull and my prayers seem to hit the ceiling.” Others have said, “There’s a sin pattern in my life I just can’t shake and it’s affecting my relationships with God and the people in my life.” We can all go through spiritually dry periods in our lives that are hard to break from. These can be caused by fatigue, stress, sin, lack of discipline, compromise, or just a time of testing. But God wants us to be hitters. He wants us to break out of our slump.

If you are in a spiritual slump, you most likely won't get out of it by ourself. Tell someone you trust today about you struggle. Ask for help and encouragement. Walking with God is a team sport!

Second Half

One of my favorite authors over the past few years has been Gordon McDonald. McDonald has been a pastor for many years and his insights into life in ministry have been very encouraging to me. Several years ago, I had the chance to attend an all-day seminar taught by McDonald. If I recall, the overall message of the day was, doing your best work in the second half of your life. Gordon was in his mid-60s at the time and he was on quest to finish his life well. He believed that in his 60s, 70s and 80s, he should be well-read, street smart and at the height of wisdom. He believed he had the most to offer in this stage of his life. Unfortunately, he also believed that most people in his demographic didn’t believe this. He told a story that day has stuck with me.

One day, Gordon decided to take out a legal pad and make a list of all the guys he knew that were older than him. As he did this his wife came up behind and asked him what he was up to. Gordon explained, “I’m making a list of all the old guys I know.” “Umm… why, Gordon,” she asked. “I want to know how many older men in my life that I actually like. I want to know who I am becoming.” “So, how's it going?” she inquired. “Terrible,” he said as panned his full page of names, “I don’t like any of these guys. They are all either grumpy, set in their ways or have given up.”

From this exercise, Gordon began his book, “The Resilient Life,” a brilliant writing on the second half of your life being your most productive to the Kingdom of God. Gordon identifies the critical questions people tend to ask in each adult decade of their life. Remarkably, these questions show how hard it is to finish well.

20’s: What kind of man or woman am I becoming? How am I different than my parents?
30’s: How do I prioritize the demands of life? How far can I go in fulfilling my sense of purpose?
40s: Why are others doing better than me? Why are my limitations outweighing my options?
50s: Why is my body becoming unreliable? How do I deal with failures and successes?
60s: Why do I feel ignored by those younger than me? Why am I curious about obituaries?
70’s - 80s: Does anyone realize or care who I once was? Is my story important to anyone? How much of my life can I still control? Can I still contribute?

There so many things that oppose our pursuit of productive second half of life. Failing body, changing culture, a competitive younger generation, failures of the past, discouragement and disillusionment. But, McDonald’s premise remains true to me. I want the last half of my life to show my best work. If I grow in my walk with God, through every decade of life, I should have the more to offer a broken world the older I get, despite the physical limitations and past pain I’ve experienced.

Think about the stage of life you are in? What positive steps are you taking today that will impact who you will become 20 years from now?